Paul Stowe put together a list of ‘you know when you’ve been driving in China too long when…’
- The indicator stalks on your car are just somewhere to hang another air-freshener
- The rear view mirror is permanently angled to your partners seat for her to put her makeup on.
- Door mirrors are just a inconvenience when cutting through tight gaps.
- As a passenger of a car, you stick your socked/non-socked feet out the window.
- It comes as a surprise when you finally reach the tollgate after a 30-minute queue that they might actually need some money.
- There are only two settings to your headlights – off and full beam, and you use them indiscriminately.
- After picking up your new leather seated vehicle you cover them with knitted seat covers (To protect them!).
- Traffic signals are merely a guide – not a rule.
- The ability to roll a cigarette, send a text message, read a map and pick your nose whilst performing a 3 point turn in the middle of traffic.
- When you find nothing wrong with reversing in the fast lane of a highway because you think you should have taken the last exit.
- You start looking at vehicle registrations in terms of lucky numbers.
- You don’t feel the need to change your tyres until you can see steel.
Are there anymore that our CCT Readership can come up with?
When you are lost you pay a motorbike taxi to take you where you need to be. Or
When you are lost you ask the passenger of the car beside you for directions.
N.B. For both these you need to speak the local dialect to get the best response.
There’s no such thing as a one way street.
You would never think about washing your own car when someone can do it for you.
A police car is no different for any other vehicle when trying to gain those extra 2 metres in traffic.
You are more likely to see Huan Huan at an intersection than a traffic cop.
what’s a huan huan?
http://en.beijing2008.com/90/35/article211993590.shtml
Seatbelts!!! What are they for??
You drive to 5 different petrol stations looking for a better deal on fuel.
When turning into traffic you must do so immediately even if another vehicle is coming. Time waits for no one after all.
When stopping to left out a passenger you must remember to leave enough space between your vehicle and the curb so that another vehicle can drive on the inside….
If your 2 day old car doesn’t have at least 5 dents then all your friends will laugh at you for being different.
You take your late model Merc to you local mechanic to have them regrind your brake discs with hand grinder while still on the car…. (I’ve seen cases like this).
Your friend laugh at you thinking that all the Hello Kitty ornaments on the dash came from your GF when in fact they didn’t.
Or when you can barely see of any windows, due to 100’s of soft cuddly toys on the parcel shelf, an interesting array of ornaments on the dashboard, and limo black windows.
You cover your entire car in cute Disney stickers, or flames, or celtic swirly things.
Aiya…. Just when I had all the latest comments
Don’t those soft toys scare away evil spirits??
When you feel like a drink you pull up beside a street stall and yell at them to bring you one… this works for newspapers/magazines etc.
You have a heart attack when visiting HK and seeing cars stop to let people cross.
You think Type R stickers on your QQ will fool your friends into believing its a Honda…. Works 9 times out of 10.
Or sticking ‘T’ stickers after your cars engine size
Just in case you are hiding behind the great security wall of China and wanted to see the full Blog:
http://anonymouse.org/cgi-bin/anon-www.cgi/http://www.carryoncabby.blogspot.com
When the D.I.A.T.S manifests itself outside the car.
(Driving Induced Acquired Tourett’s Syndrome)
When you find this car pretty…
http://www.leblogauto.com/2008/02/jacky-du-monde-entier-voici-votre-nouveau-roi.html
And think that the owner should buy some more aftermarket stuff.
(The car actually comes from the Autohome club, but I’m sorry, I lost the original link.)
When you often see drivers keep boiled water containers (热水瓶）in our cars!
When you drive at nights, you get upset coz others headlights dazzled you, you go and change yours to even brighter ones next day!
-When you think that pedastrians and bicycles are normal on a highway.
-When already three cars are waiting at a red light … sorry, never happens!
-When three cars waiting next to each other to cross an intersection and instead of waiting behind, you pull out on one of the sides.
-When you notice the horn isn’t working anymore quicker than, say, the starter is broken!
The pedestrian side walks = just another place to park your car.
bike paths = just another road with less traffic
haahahah this is great =)
Terrific stuff here. See the following link for a post on a similar topic from the now sadly defunct Sinocidal.
http://sinocidal.com/2007/08/03/run-the-risk/
This blog is great. It really helps to vent the frustration.
1) when a single lane left hand turn becomes a crowded race to the corner because everyone tries to pass.
2) when cars park on the enclosed highway.
3) when laws can be blatenly violated in front of a police vehicle while the officer doesn’t even blink.
4) when U-turns can happen anywhere… anywhere!
some extra adds
when you drive in the county and you has been advised to be careful of the pets on the road, and already know the price for crashing a chicken or duck, that was taking sun right away on the road, a chicken ( 30 Yuan, a duck 50 Yuan) 
1) when new car owners drive on the left side at 10 km per hour stopping all the traffic and suddenly make a U-turn ( to any side)
2) when shops open right on the road and people walk with their back to you, without place to move and and nobody cares you come to disturb with a car
3) when you think that the taxi drivers, sorry, the kamikaze drivers in red cabs just drive cute
4) when double line in a turn is a “pole position to overtake, even has not sight of what is coming in front of you
5) when you think that pedestrian are wrong walking slow in the side walk, so a driver shall push the horn hard to move them away and keep driving (at least here in the north)
6) when a taxi see a potential passenger and stop in the middle of the road , not to lose a business, but just has not idea you was 1 meter in their back….
7), when somebody is stopping the car and open the door from the road side without looking that has your car coming
But hey, after a bit time, if you do not have at least part of what you all write daily, you will miss it, so you know that you’ve been driving in China for a while…and get use of it!
When you drive with your poodle on your knee, - yes, I saw this today.
When you drive a VW Golf that’s badged as a Bora.
When you have a “boycott Japanese products” bumper sticker and Hello Kitty seat covers.
When you have a two year old car and the little piece of plastic film is still attached to the badge on the steering wheel.
When you have a “clothes line” in your boot.
This doesn’t get old. Its great!
-When Insurance claims are negotiable.
-When traffic barriers are moved by passengers to escape traffic jams.
-When the red and yellow “learner” sticker on the back window seems to a popular craze.
-When your not suprised to see a “Baby on board” sticker…In English?
-When your not suprised to see a 1-3 year old sitting on his fathers lap - driving the car!
-When your not suprised to see registration plates worth more than the vehicle (Normal in Shanghai!)
-When drinking 2 bottles of Bai Jiu actualy improves your driving skills - or does it?
-When polishing your car with a 3 foot long brush that looks like a squashed dog - doesnt make you giggle to yourself!
When you cut up a police car and think to yourself “He’s not a *real* policeman anyway!”
You argue with the policeman that tickets you until you are blue in the face, any other country and you would have been shot dead in the face, or arrested on a terror charge.
When you see a moto cop ticketing someone up ahead and there are 2 cars in front of you…. what do you do? honk that horn because you KNOW the cop is already busy so he isn’t going to stop you to give you a 200 kuai fine.
When you truly believe that a Lexus is NOT a Toyota.
Or that all BMWs are made in Germany…
You know you’ve been driving in China to long when…………………. the hard shoulder becomes your preferred lane for passing.
You know you’ve been driving in China to long when……..you get the salute, you salute back.
Considering starting a complete new website dedicated to this topic - one that you can post photo’s and Chinese motoring storys!
What do you think?
I was thinking of sticking a section in the ever coming soon China Car Times forum, it could be a therapy session for China drivers.
I will leave it to you then Ash - I know how much you need the readership!!!
I dont want to piss on your parade! You know how long it takes for me to do anything.
Dont use Blogspot though!
AHAHAH, Great post and great comments too, really funny!
When you hawk up a gob of phlegm and instead of wondering ‘wtf am I supposed to do now?’ you calmly open the window and spit it out.
When you hawk up a gob full of phlegm……..
Cut me some slack, I have a terrible cold and an ear infection!
not out the window but in the passenger foot well
…..not looking if you have a passenger or not